im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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