so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
