Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
