happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
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i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
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I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.