Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
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Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Never let your siblings swipe right.