i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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