so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Two words: blizzard sex
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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