come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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