If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
