Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
