She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
