I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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