Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My penis needs a shock collar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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