How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
