did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
