Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
