Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
