Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
