That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
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I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
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I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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