i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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