Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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