he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
