After last night, I could never be a politician.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
