NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
