I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
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had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
my liver is dry heaving
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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