My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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