I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
