This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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