I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
