my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
