Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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