WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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