I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
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I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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