If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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