Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Randomize
