That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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