Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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