yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
When are your genitals available?
I'm like, not good at living.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
