he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
