It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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