maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
