are you still at the devil's house?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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