Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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