did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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