In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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