It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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