I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
