how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
