fuck your aforementioned shoe
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
