Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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