At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
