Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
