oh god the rape fog is back!
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
