He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
