he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
