this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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