the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
