jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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