hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
