We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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