I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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