He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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