New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
