If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
