Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
