Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is my gift to your gina
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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