He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
