Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
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Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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