Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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