Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
