the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
