Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Lo siento on account of my penis...
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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