You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You are the jesus of drinking
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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