I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
