Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
