like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
