No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
